nyxara

 being afraid to love feels like living in a cage of my own making, a cage i built to shield myself from the unbearable pain of loss. i am terrified, not just of losing something i hold close, but of the agony that comes with it. the kind of pain that feels like my skin is being ripped away from my flesh while i’m still breathing, the blood staining every memory i dared to hold onto. it’s like my bones shattering under the weight of what i can no longer have, leaving me bleeding alive, suffocating in the void of what once was. i cling to illusions, to dreams that maybe, just maybe, i can hold onto something without ever having to say goodbye. but deep down, i know better. i know that everything i love will eventually slip through my fingers, no matter how tightly i grip it. and that thought? it’s like a dagger twisting inside me, slicing through every ounce of hope i try to cling to. so i put up walls, high and unbreakable to keep myself from ever feeling that pain again. selfish, ...